Whats the difference??!!!

Man discovered COLORS and invented PAINT;
woman discovered PAINT and invented MAKEUP.

Man discovered the WORD and invented CONVERSATION;
woman discovered CONVERSATION and invented GOSSIP.

Man discovered AGRICULTURE and invented FOOD;
woman discovered FOOD and invented DIET.

Man discovered FRIENDSHIP and invented LOVE;
woman discovered LOVE and invented LOVE TRIANGLES.

Man discovered TRADING and invented MONEY;
woman discovered MONEY and invented SHOPPING.

Thats it!!!

Thereafter man has discovered and invented a lot of things... While women are still STUCK with shopping.... .......... . !!!

From PM to HR

Dear Manager (HR),

Vivek, my assistant programmer, can always be found
hard at work in his cubicle. Vivek works independently, without
wasting company time talking to colleagues. Vivek never
thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always
finishes given assignments on time. Often Vivek takes extended
measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
breaks. Vivek is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Vivek can be
classed as a high-calibre employee, the type which cannot be
dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Vivek be
promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
sent away as soon as possible.

Signed - Project Leader


NB: That stupid idiot was reading over my shoulder when I wrote the report
sent to you earlier today. Kindly read only the odd lines (1, 3, 5, 7, 9,11, 13)
for my true assessment of him.

I knew a blonde that was so stupid that

I knew a blonde that was so stupid that.......

* she called me to get my phone number.

* she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate."

* she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.

*she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.

*she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.

*she tried to drown a fish.

*she thought a quarterback was a refund.

*she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.

*she tripped over a cordless phone.

*she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

*she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.

*she studied for a blood test.

*she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.

*when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.

*when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.

*when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned around and went home

Women are extremely determined

The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks,

interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists; two men and a

woman. For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large

metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow our

instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will

find your wife sitting in a chair . . . Kill her!!"





The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife." The

agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife

and go home."





The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went

into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with

tears in his eyes, "I tried, but I can't kill my wife." The agent said,

"You don't have what it takes. Take your wife home."





Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to

kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were

heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the

walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and

there stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her brow. "This gun was

loaded with false bullets" she said. "I had to beat him to death with the

chair!!"




MORAL: Women are extremely determined.. Don't mess with them?

Krishnajanma

In some remote village of India, one masterji is teaching the Mahabharat katha to class 6 students. He is at the 'krishnajanma' part of it.
Masterji: "Kansa heard the akashwani that his sister's 8th child is going to kill him. He was furious. He ordered to put vasudev n devki behind the bars.

First son is born, and kansa kills him by poisoning... Second one is born n kansa throws him off the mountain peak. Third one is born..."

Now Ramu, who is smartest of the lot, puts up his hand. Masterji, I have a doubt (sounding nervous n confused)

Masterji: "Ramu bete, whole India does not have doubt in mahabharata then how come u have one?"

Ramu : Masterji, if Kansa knew that Devaki's 8th child was going to Kill him,

WHY THE HELL DID HE PUT VASUDEV AND DEVAKI IN THE SAME CELL ?

Masterji fainted.........................

Best Divorce Letter!!

Dear hubby,

I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you forever.. I’ve
been a good woman to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it.

These last 2 weeks have been hell..

Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the
last straw. Last week, you came home & didn’t even notice I had a new haircut,
had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk dress.
You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your
games. You don’t tell me you love me anymore; you don’t want anything
that connects us as husband & wife. Either you are cheating on me or you
don’t love me anymore; whatever the case, I’m gone.

Your EX-Wife
P.S. Don’t try to find me. Your BROTHER & I are moving away to West
Virginia together! Have a great life!
_________________________________________

FOLLOWING IS THE RESPONSE FROM THE HUSBAND

Dear Ex-Wife

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.

It’s true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a good woman is a
far cry from what you’ve been. I watch my games so much because they drown
out your constant whining & gripe Too bad that doesn’t work. I DID notice
when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was
‘You look just like a boy!’ Since my mother raised me not to say anything
if you can’t say something nice, I didn’t comment. And when you cooked my
favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY BROTHER, because I
stopped eating pork 7 years ago.. About those new silk dress: I turned away
from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was
a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed $50 from
me that morning.

After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out.. So when I
hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets
to Jamaica But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a
reason, I guess.

I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that
the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a dime from me.

So take care.

Signed,
Your Ex-Husband, Rich As Hell & Free!

P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this, but my brother Carl was born as
Carla(woman) ……… .I hope that’s not a problem

Creating a ‘difference’ in portraits

I was reading a magazine where each article had the photo of the author besides it, but in a unique way: looking like something like on the right.

How to get this effect yourself? I will show you today.

In addition to Photoshop you need Microsoft Photo Editor to get this effect. You may have this already on your system, if you have MS Office or you may not - it has been discontinued by Microsoft. If you do not, you can download it from here or here: http://www.brothersoft.com/microsoft-photo-editor-128651.html.

First, open the photo in Microsoft Photo Editor, and then go to File->Properties. In the ‘Type’ field select Monochrome (1 bit) from the drop-down, and press Ok. Save the image.

Microsoft Photo Editor

Second, open the original photo in Photoshop (or any other photo editing tool like GIMP). Also open the photo modified through the photo editor. Drag the modified photo over the original, as to form a new layer on top.

Third, (for the modified image layer) bring up the Selective Color panel, by clicking on Image->Adjust->Selective Color. For ‘Colors’, select ‘Black’ from the drop-down - and choose suitable values for the sliders (or as shown below in the screenshot).

Photoshop

Fourth, select a suitable blending type from the layers window, and suitable Opacity which suits. For this image, we used ‘Overlay’ and 55%.

Blending

Save the image - flatten it before saving if you want, and you are done. If there is a way to do this without using Microsoft Photo Editor, please post comments.

There are variations possible, if you prefer. One is to ‘Invert’ the original image in Photoshop before submitting it to the MS Photo Editor (by going into Image->Adjust->Invert) and then proceeding as described.

The other is to use only the unicolor image produced by the MS Photo Editor, without blending it with the original. You could use a plain single color layer as the lower one, and do the selective color on the other.

Variation I

Variation II

Photo by Hamed Saber

Making Letter Portraits...

Having been impressed by letter portraits (see right), I wanted to figure out how to do them myself. In addition, I have shown you a lot of my own photos on this blog, without making the readers any wiser on how to do stuff. Better late than never, they say - so lets get started.

Choose a photo that you want to convert. Not every photo is a good candidate: the photo should be simple, not having a lot of detail. A bigger size say 640 x 480 should be available, and should have some contrast. For the purpose of this tutorial we will use this tree:

The result may not look very good because the photo does not have a unique recognisable shape, but will work fine for this tutorial. You may want to try yourself with this better photo of Indian PM Manmohan Singh:

Step 1 is to open a word editor and type (or copy!) some text into it. It looks best if the text is related to the person whose photo portrait you are making. Times new roman font is preferable, Size 14, Bold. Set the zoom to 70% for good results. Take a screen print using Alt-Print Screen key on your keyboard, and bring into Photoshop. The result looks something like this:

Now crop to retain the text, and copy-paste multiple times to achieve the size you need.

Moving over to the main photo (the tree), go to Window->Show Channels. Click on each channel one by one, and see which one has the highest contrast. Retain that one, and delete the others:

Now click on Image->Mode->Grayscale and then on Image->Mode->RGB.

Finally, when your two photos are exactly the same size, drag the text over the main photo - or copy paste as a new layer. The photo with the text should be on top and the other below.

Now go back to Window->Layers, and from the blending mode (upper left corner where it says Normal), select Screen. Things should look like this:

Flatten the image by going to Layer->Flatten Image.

What you want to do after this is up to you. You may want to do Image->Adjust->Threshold for complete B&W look. For, as for example with the PM photo above, you may need to do some cleanup using the Eraser tool for a ‘clean’ look.

If all this is too much work, being a lazy person like me - try this website: http://lunatic.no/img2aschtml.php.
Upload a photo, and it creates a colored text portrait. Its beautiful and you can choose the characters. Take a screenshot (using Alt-Print Screen) of the result and crop in Photoshop, to save as an image.

If something is hard to follow, please post in comments and I will simplify. The Manmohan Singh photo is by ‘ahinsajain’.

Top 10 Earth stories of the decade

Washington, January 1 (ANI): An article in Discovery News has outlined the top 10 earth stories of the decade.

The number 10 story is the soaring oil prices in 2008, when the sale of gas-guzzling SUVs and other fuel-inefficient vehicles plummeted in the United States in the face of expensive oil.

Huge amounts of money were funneled into alternative fuels and politicians rediscovered a verve for "energy security."

At number 9 is the story that the waters human beings and other animals depend on is getting demonstrably richer in estrogen-mimicking drugs, as well as BPA, flame retardants, phthalates, atrazine and many other chemicals.

The number 8 story is that the list of animals that are showing signs of evolving has been growing, providing a ray of hope that perhaps some species may adapt to and survive such challenges as climate change.

For example, invasive cane toads in Australia were found to have evolved longer legs at the beginning of their invasion.

At number 7 is the story that this decade has seen some species pushed over and others pulled back from the brink of extinction, while others are going invasive in new ranges.

The number 6 story is the Sichuan earthquake in China on May 12, 2008, which resulted in the destruction of both life and property.he 7.9-magnitude event was the strongest quake to rock China since the 8.5 Richter Magnitude Chayu event 58 years earlier.

The science of the quake and its thousands of aftershocks is still underway.

At number 5 is the great Sumatra-Andaman earthquake of 2004, which resulted in the devastating Indian Ocean tsunami that spread from Indonesia to the shores of East Africa.

The magnitude 9.1 temblor and the massive tsunamis that followed claimed close to a quarter of a million lives, making it one of the worst natural disasters in human history.

At number 4 is the most active Atlantic hurricane season on record in 2005, which saw hurricanes like Katrina, Rita and Wilma, probably a result of the warming ocean temperatures.

The number 3 story is that new scourges from the animal world have been steadily slipping into humans and beginning fresh attacks, most notably in 2009 with H1N1, or "swine Flu', but also with Avian Flu, SARS, and Monkey Pox.

At number 2 is the story that human activities have made oceans of the world more acidic, endangering marine ecosystems worldwide.

The number one story is that this past decade was the warmest on record, with glaciers melting much faster than ever expected. (ANI)

Source: Yahoo

Thanx